Thursday, January 12, 2012


    Yesterday was the first official day of my dream challenge, but it was not until this morning that I received some results from my experiment: two strange dreams, some regret, and a wake-up call.  Allow me to explain.

    While I technically did not watch TV last night (I was working on my laptop), I was in the family/TV room with my younger brothers where I could hear the TV...and without even realizing I was doing it, I followed part of the show with my was a reality show about a very troubled family that included ten kids void of compassion, and two exceptionally dysfunctional parents.  
    By the time I dragged myself to bed last night, it was very late, and I only managed to read one small section of scripture and release a short prayer before I turned off my bed light and tried to fall asleep.  I tossed and turned for an hour; I was exhausted, and knew I  had to wake up early the next morning, but could not fall asleep due to a dull, sharp pain that totally engulfed my left leg.  I think it was growing pains, but at the time it felt like a punishment.  All I could think was, this is going to sound really weird on my blog tomorrow...and it probably does.

    After dreaming one very strange, disturbing dream that I cannot recall the details of, and one (black and white) dimly lit dream about a group of hilarious dogs that leaped and walked on two legs in circles around me, I finally woke up to the glaring sound of my alarm clock.  Out of bed I fell, crawled, staggered over to my alarm clock to turn the thing off.   Ugh.   
    I read some of Matthew 7, but Exhaustion pressed against me, warm and sweaty in form, making it difficult for me to concentrate on the words.  Although my head was swimming, I felt distinctly drawn to return to Psalm 4: the passage I had meditated on last night.  I was surprised by the ironic shadow the selection of scriptures threw before my painful, seemingly unsuccessful night of sleep (and sleeplessness).  Here are the words of Psalm 4:3-8:

 ​​​Realize that the LORD shows the godly special favor;
the LORD responds when I cry out to him.
​​​​​​​Tremble with fear and do not sin!
Meditate as you lie in bed, and repent of your ways!  Offer the prescribed sacrifices
and trust in the LORD!
​​​​​​​Many say, “Who can show us anything good?”
Smile upon us, LORD!
You make me happier
than those who have abundant grain and wine.
​​​​​​​I will lie down and sleep peacefully,
for you, LORD, make me safe and secure.

    When I honestly assess my actions last night, I see that I probably should have spent my time more judiciously, so that I would not have had to have pushed prayer so late into the night.  Godly people pray first--they do not wait until the very last minute to do the most vital task of the day.  I think last night was God's wake-up call to me to actually SERVE HIM, as I said I would do in my previous blog post, "Love is a Verb."  Writing with God for an audience is an honor and privilege, and I realize more than ever, is a privilege that requires me to be more responsible and diligent to live up to my ideals and assertions.  Harold Nicolson was right when he said:

 We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their acts.

    This has been a wonderful reminder from God to me that my actions need to line up more accurately with my words--and I am totally up for the challenge!  I can't wait to see what else God chooses to illuminate within my human, frequently wayward heart...or am I mistaking excitement for fear?  Am I finally living up to Psalm 4, "trembling with fear" and choosing not to sin?  I guess we'll see!  Thanks for reading everybody; you guys provide me really great accountability.  I Hope that all of your weeks prove to be equally enlightening!

1 comment:

  1. I wish I had the discipline and the will to take some sort of challenge! Your challenge inspires me to consider it...