DaVinci, the Moon, and the Promises of God

Should Leonardo DaVinci have painted the Mona Lisa? Four years is a long time for any man to spend painting one portrait. Much labor was probably invested in the artistic endeavor. Perhaps DaVinci should have instead spent his time gallivanting about the French countryside picking flowers and dreaming of love everlasting. Of course DaVinci should have painted the Mona Lisa!  Because of DaVinci’s vision and dedication to his work, millions of people around the world enjoy his mysterious masterpiece. Why question DaVinci’s choice to paint? His decision was obviously a wise one. As DaVinci labored to complete the Mona Lisa, so every man and woman must labor to create a beautiful, fulfilling relationship. According to Divorce Magazine, 49% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Many members of today’s culture believe that love is a mere, transient feeling, and divorce their spouses promptly after “falling out of love.” Margaret Anderson once said, "In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person." If this is true, why do people divorce, and what is the result of this severance of souls? Frequently, divorce causes tension between family members and friends, children who grow up to respect marriage less, and desensitized divorcees who are less likely to be faithful in future relationships.

There are more than two victims for every marriage annulled. Every November, my grandma goes into hyper mode trying to prepare a decent Thanksgiving Day get-together for the family. This is not a simple task; there are many people to consider. Because one of my uncles has divorced twice and is currently dating, my grandma has been forced to make awkward, difficult choices when choosing who to invite to our Thanksgiving feast. Ex wives, half cousins, and distant extended family must all be circumspectly considered. The point is this: when two people divorce, they are not just hurting themselves; they are hurting everyone around them. Divorce might legally divide a husband from a wife, but a mom from her son? A father from his daughter? What about the couple’s formerly united extended family and friends? All of these people are inevitably spiritually wounded in some way by the nuclear bomb otherwise known as divorce.

The most devastated casualties of any divorce are the children. Shockingly, according to the research of Daniel T. Lichter1, "Children who grow up in single-parent homes are less likely to marry, more likely to divorce, and more likely to have children outside of wedlock." This statement is painfully true. My eighteen-year-old cousin, whose parents divorced when she was young, is currently unmarried and raising a toddler. She hangs out with druggies, some of whom come from broken families as well. Having grown up without a father to tell her how beautiful and precious she is, this young girl looked for love in all the wrong places hoping to fill the emptiness in her life with something worthwhile. Her boyfriend grew up without a father present in his life who could teach him to be a man. Because my cousin’s boyfriend was the only one who “understood” her, she must now focus on raising a child instead of on planning her college education. How can anyone claim that divorce is a personal choice, one that harms only its chooser? The casualties are too real. Divorce is war.

Divorce serves as a great desensitizer of the human heart. According to an article on Divorce.com, 65% of all second marriages and 75% of all third marriages end in divorce. I once attended a conference for young people that addressed teen dating, in which teens were instructed to view dating as practicing divorce.  The speaker at this conference called a boy with hairy legs to come to the front of the room where everyone could see him. This speaker then proceeded to press a piece of duct tape to one of the boy’s legs. Notably, the tape was said to represent a relationship with a girl. After the speaker had established the role that the tape played in his presentation, he suddenly ripped the tape from the volunteer’s leg, to the boy’s horror. To the surprise of all watching, the speaker pressed the tape onto the same spot of his leg again, and soon ripped it away. This strange, painful process was repeated a few times. By the last time, this boy did not wince at the pain any more. Like a bad break up, or divorce, the ripping away of the tape desensitized his leg until he could no longer feel the pain. How tragic it is for those who do not feel the pain. Every time a person chooses to “tear away” from the heart of another through divorce, they lose a little bit of their heart in the process.

Divorce is not a mere personal affair, nor is it neat and tidy. It cannot be wiped clean like a kitchen counter, nor can it be washed down the bathroom sink in a swirl of hand soap and black dirt. Maggie Gallagher, author of The Abolition of Marriage, wrote, “‘You can't force two people to stay married,' we tell ourselves and turn the page. Divorce, however, is not usually the act of a couple, but of an individual. Eighty percent of divorces in this country are unilateral, rather than truly mutual, decisions. In fact, the divorce revolution can be more accurately described as a shift of power, favoring the interests of one party over others: the interests of the spouse who wishes to leave over those of the spouse who is being abandoned and over those of the children whose consent is not sought.” Sometimes a husband or wife divorces his or her spouse for selfish reasons, while others divorce to flee abuse. Whatever the case, divorce always ends unhappily, inevitably hurting friends, family, children, and the divorcees. What is the solution?   Hopeless misery? Suicide? No. What, then? Perhaps it would be wise for couples to consider separating for a time to gather their thoughts or sanity, or to seek marital counsel from someone who is wise and trustworthy. One might even consider going to God for help. In God’s Word, He promises all that come to Him a future full of hope, as well as His redemptive power and love. Jesus can redeem all brokenness. He does not promise His children that they will always be happy, but instead that He will give them His immutable joy. David proclaims in the psalms that the joy of the Lord is his strength. If one is bold enough to entrust their broken marriage, their children, and their life in God’s hands, they cannot fail. Do not give up on your marriage because it is imperfect. Instead, with God’s help, strive to paint Mona Lisa marriages, and do not fear failure. Les Brown collaborated on this assertion when he quoted, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”  


1Daniel T. Lichter et al., "Race and the Retreat from Marriage: A Shortage of Marriageable Men?" American Sociological Review 57

My Valentine, Jesus Christ

 Dear Single AND Married Sisters,

Do you wish that you had an exciting "Valentine" for Valentine's Day?  Dream of being "secretly admired" by Someone strong, smart, selfless, and utterly in love with you in this season of love (preferably Prince Charming, but Mr. Darcy may suffice)?  Look no further; GOD is near!

Are you craving a love letter?  One that makes your "heart leap" (and I don't mean up your throat while hurtling down a steep roller coaster!) for joy?  Try GOD'S WORD--HE wrote it just for YOU (major heart-fluttering)!

Are you looking for a guy who is willing to "risk it all" to save you from evil, and "sweep you off your feet?"  Here comes Prince JESUS on His noble white steed Salvation!  This passionate Prince loves you so ardently that He died for you before you were born so you could spend eternity with HIM in the afterlife (see John 3:16)!  Now THAT is some serious dedication-- love that would challenge even Edward Cullen's!

BONUS: before you love God, He already loves you (1 John 4:19)!

So...what's keeping you from committing your whole life to Jesus, the greatest Lover of your soul?  NOTHING! 

May your heart be full of joy and contentment in this season full of pink cards, red hearts, flowers, love-struck vampires, and overpriced truffles...




I love you guys!!  Thanks to all who read these words...it means a lot!

And...

HAPPY (Belated) VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Talk, Texts, and Powerful Tongues

    Sometimes small talk is all we can manage, sometimes small talk is a cop-out for meaningful conversation.  I think mostly, people speak lightly because they are afraid of what others will think of their strongest ideas emotions, and beliefs.  Whatever the reason, I cannot help but dislike the transient, shallow nature of small talk.  I would prefer being controversial to being forgettable, or even worse, trite.
    Many conversations have been reduced to fluffy tweets, minimalistic texts, and superfluous status updates.  Most people now subconsciously prefer funny people to thoughtful people.  Our culture has idolized entertainment, and “big talk” has thus been labeled boring, controversial, intolerant, and narrow-minded. 

                                

    Perhaps I am not being fair.  After all, to always speak meaningfully would be out of place, especially while forging a new friendship.  To always speak passionately would be too personal, too vulnerable.  One might promptly be rejected.  Yet, perhaps it would be the more honest, direct route.  How often do we find ourselves clashing in opinion or belief with a new acquaintance of ours, only to realize that we can never be really close to that person?  Maybe the world would be a better place if we all said what we really meant to say…if we were more original.  More concise.  Cut out the verbiage, and spent more time pondering than we do blabbing.

    I am not saying that we should send all the funny, lighthearted people to No Man’s Land, and I would be a hypocrite if I claimed to never speak small talk.  What I would like to see and hear are words with more artistic integrity, depth, purpose, and passion.  I think most people want this, but don’t know how to obtain it.   I think the responsibility lies with the individual.  If we start with ourselves, we can bring meaning back into the average conversation.  We can choose to speak words of life to a hurting person instead of joking with them.  We can share our beliefs with others when we would rather be quiet.  We can be the change we want to see in the world.

   I should know better than to label all small talk as shallow talk.  Not everyone wants to spill the contents of their hearts out to others at, say, a family gathering, a party, a funeral.  Oftentimes in such settings, it is entirely appropriate to speak lightly, and allow loving glances, gentle hugs, and soothing words be the instruments of human communication.  Sometimes small talk is all we can manage because no meaningful words would be appropriate.  Sometimes we need empty words because eyes are filled with more meaning than can be rightly accounted for, or because our hearts are full of love or pain. 

    Still, no excuse in the world can be made for small talk between two good friends, or meaningless chatter between a father and his wayward son.  If we are supposed to love people as Jesus commands us to do, it is our duty to speak words of life and purpose to those we care about.  Proverbs 8:21 declares that “death and life are in the power of the tongue…” That makes us highly responsible for the words that we release.  We must choose to live with purpose in both the way that we walk and talk. Let us strive to make the most of our words.