DaVinci, the Moon, and the Promises of God

Should Leonardo DaVinci have painted the Mona Lisa? Four years is a long time for any man to spend painting one portrait. Much labor was probably invested in the artistic endeavor. Perhaps DaVinci should have instead spent his time gallivanting about the French countryside picking flowers and dreaming of love everlasting. Of course DaVinci should have painted the Mona Lisa!  Because of DaVinci’s vision and dedication to his work, millions of people around the world enjoy his mysterious masterpiece. Why question DaVinci’s choice to paint? His decision was obviously a wise one. As DaVinci labored to complete the Mona Lisa, so every man and woman must labor to create a beautiful, fulfilling relationship. According to Divorce Magazine, 49% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Many members of today’s culture believe that love is a mere, transient feeling, and divorce their spouses promptly after “falling out of love.” Margaret Anderson once said, "In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person." If this is true, why do people divorce, and what is the result of this severance of souls? Frequently, divorce causes tension between family members and friends, children who grow up to respect marriage less, and desensitized divorcees who are less likely to be faithful in future relationships.

There are more than two victims for every marriage annulled. Every November, my grandma goes into hyper mode trying to prepare a decent Thanksgiving Day get-together for the family. This is not a simple task; there are many people to consider. Because one of my uncles has divorced twice and is currently dating, my grandma has been forced to make awkward, difficult choices when choosing who to invite to our Thanksgiving feast. Ex wives, half cousins, and distant extended family must all be circumspectly considered. The point is this: when two people divorce, they are not just hurting themselves; they are hurting everyone around them. Divorce might legally divide a husband from a wife, but a mom from her son? A father from his daughter? What about the couple’s formerly united extended family and friends? All of these people are inevitably spiritually wounded in some way by the nuclear bomb otherwise known as divorce.

The most devastated casualties of any divorce are the children. Shockingly, according to the research of Daniel T. Lichter1, "Children who grow up in single-parent homes are less likely to marry, more likely to divorce, and more likely to have children outside of wedlock." This statement is painfully true. My eighteen-year-old cousin, whose parents divorced when she was young, is currently unmarried and raising a toddler. She hangs out with druggies, some of whom come from broken families as well. Having grown up without a father to tell her how beautiful and precious she is, this young girl looked for love in all the wrong places hoping to fill the emptiness in her life with something worthwhile. Her boyfriend grew up without a father present in his life who could teach him to be a man. Because my cousin’s boyfriend was the only one who “understood” her, she must now focus on raising a child instead of on planning her college education. How can anyone claim that divorce is a personal choice, one that harms only its chooser? The casualties are too real. Divorce is war.

Divorce serves as a great desensitizer of the human heart. According to an article on Divorce.com, 65% of all second marriages and 75% of all third marriages end in divorce. I once attended a conference for young people that addressed teen dating, in which teens were instructed to view dating as practicing divorce.  The speaker at this conference called a boy with hairy legs to come to the front of the room where everyone could see him. This speaker then proceeded to press a piece of duct tape to one of the boy’s legs. Notably, the tape was said to represent a relationship with a girl. After the speaker had established the role that the tape played in his presentation, he suddenly ripped the tape from the volunteer’s leg, to the boy’s horror. To the surprise of all watching, the speaker pressed the tape onto the same spot of his leg again, and soon ripped it away. This strange, painful process was repeated a few times. By the last time, this boy did not wince at the pain any more. Like a bad break up, or divorce, the ripping away of the tape desensitized his leg until he could no longer feel the pain. How tragic it is for those who do not feel the pain. Every time a person chooses to “tear away” from the heart of another through divorce, they lose a little bit of their heart in the process.

Divorce is not a mere personal affair, nor is it neat and tidy. It cannot be wiped clean like a kitchen counter, nor can it be washed down the bathroom sink in a swirl of hand soap and black dirt. Maggie Gallagher, author of The Abolition of Marriage, wrote, “‘You can't force two people to stay married,' we tell ourselves and turn the page. Divorce, however, is not usually the act of a couple, but of an individual. Eighty percent of divorces in this country are unilateral, rather than truly mutual, decisions. In fact, the divorce revolution can be more accurately described as a shift of power, favoring the interests of one party over others: the interests of the spouse who wishes to leave over those of the spouse who is being abandoned and over those of the children whose consent is not sought.” Sometimes a husband or wife divorces his or her spouse for selfish reasons, while others divorce to flee abuse. Whatever the case, divorce always ends unhappily, inevitably hurting friends, family, children, and the divorcees. What is the solution?   Hopeless misery? Suicide? No. What, then? Perhaps it would be wise for couples to consider separating for a time to gather their thoughts or sanity, or to seek marital counsel from someone who is wise and trustworthy. One might even consider going to God for help. In God’s Word, He promises all that come to Him a future full of hope, as well as His redemptive power and love. Jesus can redeem all brokenness. He does not promise His children that they will always be happy, but instead that He will give them His immutable joy. David proclaims in the psalms that the joy of the Lord is his strength. If one is bold enough to entrust their broken marriage, their children, and their life in God’s hands, they cannot fail. Do not give up on your marriage because it is imperfect. Instead, with God’s help, strive to paint Mona Lisa marriages, and do not fear failure. Les Brown collaborated on this assertion when he quoted, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”  


1Daniel T. Lichter et al., "Race and the Retreat from Marriage: A Shortage of Marriageable Men?" American Sociological Review 57

New Day's Resolutions

    Wow, I can't believe its 2012!  It seems like just yesterday I was clinking champagne cups full of apple cider with friends and family, 
declaring, "Happy 2011!"  and toasting the New Year.  The ball dropped in New York City, the stars twinkled overhead outside.  The stars are still twinkling, but now it is 2012. 


  I wonder what this year will be like; what difficult circumstances will I be faced with?  What beautiful moments will I experience?

    Every year millions of people make crazy New Year's resolutions, and I, a teenage girl, am no exception.  My past goals for the year have ranged from writing bestselling novels to mastering my nonexistent gymnast's split to flying out of state to see obscure concerts.  All of these so-called "resolutions" have been unsuccessful for me thus far, but still I hope for future success.  
    Last year my goal was to earn my driver's licence (my learner's permit is on the verge of expiring), but my hopes were in vain.  I have yet to drive myself anywhere without getting "white-knuckle syndrome" on the steering wheel or basically having a mini meltdown in the driver's seat, my distraught mom sweating bullets in the passenger's seat beside me (I am sure sitting in an electric chair would be more comfortable for her at moments like these).  Yep, people make resolutions, but resolutions don't come with "money back guarantees" (unless they are treadmills), and they certainly don't promise certain success.


    But for the past few years now, I have set different types of goals for myself on New Year's Eve, something like a New Year's resolution, but deeper.  I write a small list of "hopes" on the top of my January calendar page, things I hope God will show me, ways I hope to grow spiritually.  It is like a written prayer--and, so far, God has answered me every year without fail.  Last year I prayed that I could draw closer to God, and that I could get along better with my younger siblings.  Not only did God reveal more of Himself and His mysterious grace to me last year, He allowed me the opportunity to grow closer to my brothers.


    It is not as if God takes New Year's Eve prayers more seriously than others...I think that it is just me who makes them special.  Really, I think God wants all of our prayers to feel special, because they are.  That we can converse with the Awesome Creator of the Universe seems like a total miracle to my limited, finite, human brain!  Another flabbergasting notion: God wants us to come to Him with our hearts desires.   In Jeremiah 11:9-12 Jesus says, 


"...Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 
    Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” 


    This is not to say that God will answer every question immediately or even in the affirmative.  Jesus gives us an example of a child asking his father for something that is clearly good for him to have.  If the child had asked for a snake, it would have been irresponsible of the father to grant him his desire!  if God's answer to our prayers is "No" or "Wait" we just have to trust Him and know that He knows what He's doing.  His ways are far above our ways!

    So what is it this year that is weighing on your heart?  Are you struggling with an addiction?  A family problem?  Maybe your heart's desire is marriage, but that special someone does not seem to be coming along as quickly as you would like.  My suggestion?  Pray, and wait on the Lord.  This answer may seem trite, but it is so true.  My heart's prayer for this year is found in Lamentations 3:22-24:



    Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 
They are new every morning;
great is [God's] faithfulness.
 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."



Sometimes God is slow to answer because He wants us to trust Him regardless of our life circumstances.  When a person loves another person, they learn to trust that individual.  God wants to have a love relationship with each and every one of us.  In order for that to happen, it is essential that we learn to trust God in every aspect of our lives.

    If God wants you to have the desires of your heart (and if your heart is aligned with His, He most likely will), He will take care of it for you.   in Jeremiah 29:11 God assures His people, "...I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
   My 2012 New Year's resolution?  To pray more, and trust God with all of my hopes and my future.  If I slip up and fall on my butt (which will most likely happen a few times), I am not going to say, "Oh well, better luck next year;" instead I am going to get right back onto my feet and declare a New Day's resolution!  I am tired of trying to hash life out on my own.  I am fed up with living for transient worldly pleasures.  This year, I am going to strive to serve God with my whole heart, and in the process, change the world around me.
    And who knows?  Maybe I'll finally master that gymnast's split this year after all!