Nobody
talked to me today. If they had, they
wouldn’t have understood exactly what I was going through, like He did. So why didn’t I talk to Him?
It’s
not like it's everybody else’s fault—if I wanted to talk to someone else, I
could have opened my mouth and spit out the words that burn in my throat, but
if I had, they still wouldn’t have understood exactly what I was saying, like
He does. So why don’t I talk to Him?
At
sunset I climb up the hill to my house alone.
This
night, as I was falling into the dark, gentle arms of sleep, hearing her
whisper in my ear and feeling her fingers in my hair, I had this thought: if He
not only knows me but loves me more than anyone else, why are we not
talking? If He is the Bridegroom and I
am His bride, why am I alone?
And
then I hear His voice quiet and tender mingled with the voice of Night:
Come away with me.
My
eyes open wide in the darkness, and I sit up in my bed. Breathe!
Meet me at sunrise at the top of
your hill. I miss talking with you.
“Me
too,” I breathe out, breathe in again. I
slowly lower my head to my pillow, close my eyes, but all I can think about is
His silvery voice, streaming into my mind like cool, radiant moonlight.
Sunrise
is slow to come.
When
my heart almost faints for waiting for Him to return, the circle of fire, the
sun, begins his slow ascent to the top of the black sky. And so does my Beloved. I jump out of my bed and rush like rain from
the heavens to meet the One who knows me.
My bare feet fly through my house, out the door and into the morning to
meet the One who loves me.
He
catches me in His arms and holds me close.
I breathe in the scent of His majesty, His love, and when I breathe out,
my eyes and smile betray the wide wonder and joy that fills my soul. Our laughter mingles as He holds my face in
His hands and we gaze into each other’s eyes.
Grinning,
He whispers You made it!
Disabled
by happiness, all I can do is nod.
Mouth
somber but eyes bright, He says I love
you.
He
takes my hands in His and lifts them to His mouth to kiss them. I see holes in His wrists and suddenly want
to cry.
His
wrists and eyes bear witness to the truth of His words.
“I
believe You!” I cry out with my heart.
He
smiles again, and repeats Come away with
me!
Again,
all I can do is nod
Yes, yes,
yes!
He
spins me around and I am confronted by a wall of billowing fog. The fog clears enough for me to make out the
front of a train and tracks leading away from the hill. There was never a train here before, let
alone tracks! My bridegroom watches in
amusement as I fish a compass out of my pocket and hold it before me in the
direction that the tracks go. The
compass spins wildly, incapable of deciding the direction the train is headed.
He
turns to me, leans close, and whispers I
want to take you in a whole new direction.
Again,
I am in awe. He grins, takes my hand,
and leads me along the side of the train to an empty compartment. The inside of the train is lined with
velvet. Elaborate woodwork coated in
gold frames the walls of our car with warm light, lending the red velvet an
otherworldly glow. He helps me into the
compartment and lowers me into one of two chairs that face each other. When we are both seated, the only thing left
between us is a small window.
I
peer out the window, but am confronted by a sheet of white. This is the only time I have chosen to break
my gaze from Him since we met this morning.
Beloved,
His
clear voice breaks through the fog beginning to settle in my mind and returns
my gaze to His eyes.
Do you trust me?
I
want to look back at the window, but instead I stare at His face. He is beautiful.
“Yes!”
I hear myself say. “My love is so weak,”
I hear myself think.
But My love is strong!
my Beloved asserts, lowering his face closer to mine and narrowing His eyes. A thrill runs down my spine and through my
fingertips.
The
train whistles, lurches forward. I lose
my balance and fall into His arms. He
catches me before I hurt myself, and once I have caught my breath, we both
laugh as He returns me to my seat.
After
a time, He nods for me to look out the window.
Although I take my eyes off of Him, I sense that His eyes never leave
mine.
Outside
the window, beneath a crimson sky, I see a land plagued by deep darkness—cities
stalked by dark forms, people killing other people, people crying and plugging
their ears, people with closed eyes shooting other people. And there are so many people dying
alone. Shaking, I turn to face my
Beloved, but can hardly meet his eyes. I
cover my face with my hands, and when I finally pull them away, they are wet
with my sorrow. I hear a choking sound
and look to my Beloved. He is crying
too.
I love them so much, but they don’t
even know me. I want to help them more,
but they won’t accept my help. Instead,
they choose to rely on dark, shifting shadows.
I love them, but I can have no fellowship with darkness!
“What
will you do?” I ask.
We will love them anyways.
“We?”
I will walk with you, and I will teach you to
love them the way I do. And when it’s
too difficult, I will help you.
His
eyes are full of love. I remember His
pierced wrists and tentatively touch my own.
“Yes,”
I say, “I will love as you love.”
I
expect the train to stop in the place of darkness, but instead it surges forth
into new lands. When I glance out the
window, I see the silhouettes of mountains rising and falling over the land as
if the world is breathing.
“Where
are we now?” I ask.
The Mystery Mountains, He
responds with a hint of playfulness.
Holding hands, we both look out the window
again. This time all I see is light so
bright that I feel that I must close my eyes.
Instead I look back at Him—but I do not escape the light. His eyes are stars luminous. Mesmerized, I stare into the shining pools
and am confronted by a startling vision—my eyes scintillating light.
The closer we become, the more
light you shine! We are One, beloved;
should it surprise you if you start to look a bit like me?
My
bewilderment melts into ecstasy. Oh, how
He loves me!
Again,
I look out the window and see light, but this time it does not overwhelm
me. Shapes begin to form in the
whiteness, and I realize that I am now in His kingdom. I see a shining city with rivers of living
water. I see a people untroubled by darkness.
The train slows to a halt. I look
to Him.
This is a place of hope justified, He
reveals.
We
exit the train together and follow a path that cuts into a forest. The sky is bright and clear, like my Beloved’s
eyes, and in the center of the firmament the sun sits on his azure throne.
While
we walk, we converse with each other; I share my heart with Him, and He
whispers truth to me. He tells me that
He has plans for me, plans to restore my family, and plans to love His people. When I start crying, He tells me it’s not all
up to me, and that He will help me carry out His plans.
We
pause when we come to a small pool of living water. He asks me to look onto the shining surface
and report what I see. When I peer into
the pool, I see through me—through my skin, beneath my ribs, to the very center
of my heart—spy great darkness—and feel unworthy of His love.
When
we start walking again, He takes my hand in His and tells me
I
delight in you.
Tremulous,
I whisper, “But I am so inferior to You!”
Why do you doubt the magnitude of
my love for you? I paid for your soul
with my blood, my love! Don’t you know
that I love you despite your imperfections?
I am yours, and you are mine!
I
believe Him,
I
believe Him.
When
the sun dismounts his throne to begin his descent to the earth, my Beloved leads
me back to the train, and we take our seats in our car. As the colors scarlet, orange, and purple begin
to bleed into the blue, I recall the moment I first laid eyes on my Beloved,
and my love for Him is rekindled.
We
arrive at the base of the hill too soon.
As we walk up the hill to my house, the sky bruising dark purple, my
Bridegroom promises to return for me tomorrow at sunrise.
“Where
will you go now?” I ask Him.
He
is quiet a moment before a smile appears on His face. In a confiding tone, He divulges I will never leave your side, my love; my
spirit shall watch over you in the night.
And
as the glitter of stars and distant galaxies begins to materialize in the dark
sky, all I can think is that I will never climb the hill to my house at sunset
alone ever again.
Copyright Megan Taylor, November 2012
